Diary of an Unfortunate Naija Lover Boy 3 – By Okechukwu Anthony.

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Maybe it was the realisation that she likes Nneka and the fact that it’s rare in this our generation to find such (before and hopefully after wedding) mother and daughter in-law relationship.

Well, first things first- the engagement. I wanted it to be a surprise but didn’t have the stomach for the level I see on the Internet these days. I simply convinced nneka to accompany to a jewelry shop to buy a wrist watch as a gift for my mom.

We scanned through the counter and selected what we (99.5%her decision) believed my mom would like. Stylishly we made a detour to the shelf for rings where she pointed to a set that was worth a few MONTHS salary. Then blinking and blushing she said that was exactly the type she would want from her real man.

Going against my vision 2020 and being the romantic guy that I am, I proceeded to kneel but before my knee touched the floor the ring was already on her finger. She kept screaming and shrieking while the shop attendants kept clapping and snapping!

We proceeded to the cashier to make payments but the POS declined my credit card. Not as a result of insufficient funds but due to bank network. Well, I tried using the second credit card but it was declined too and that was when the smile on Nneka’s face disappeared like our national budget but I promised not to let her uncles soft work come to pass.

She agreed to wait while I use the nearest atm to make cash withdrawal. It was when I walked from Lekki to CMS that I knew it was indeed a sign. No ATM was working, it was either out of service, insufficient fund or totally off.

Out of respect and not wanting to disappoint mum and for the fact I kept hearing ” try the next one’, I continued my journey to Mile 2 and believe me brethren, it was indeed the 10th wonder of the world. Even the ATMs that were working had issuer problem with my card.

At a point, I gave up the struggle and headed back to confront the hydra headed monster. Nneka called during my ATM sojourn with wifely concern fully upgraded in her voice and I told her I was heading back.

Back to the store, I explained the situation that it would be better for us to keep the ring while I come back later with cash to pick it up. She told me that since it was for ‘US’, she had already paid for the ring.

“WHAT? Nooo! No oooooo!. How can? What for…US?” My scream was loud enough to pull down the building. I don’t know if this current regime is to be blamed or not but I can’t settle with a woman that paid for her own engagement ring. My great grand fathers would cringe wherever they are. And knowing women, even my children’s children beyond the 4th generation won’t hear the last of it. I am done.

That’s it.

The last straw.

So To whom it may concern;

Dear future wife,

Hello bae,

I am writing you this letter, from the deepest part of my heart, the part that is reserved for beans and plantain, so please feel special. Consider this a pointer or heads-up and act accordingly.

1. You must love our Lord Jesus Christ, with all sincerity, in deeds and in purpose.

2. I am filled with little complexities and complex simplicities.

3.I’m not HERE to pay for any (if there is or not) Ex ‘s mistake. I was not there when you both were “doing ” so please don’t punish me.

4. I’m a Huge kisser. Key word HUGE.

5. Please forgive me for all I’ll say when I am angry. I don’t really get angry and my anger doesn’t really last.

6. I love play. I don’t take my self too serious. You shouldn’t too (nobody cares). There are more important things going on in the world.

7.Hope you love to travel, because I will love you to take pictures while I sleep in flights. #smiles

8. Please be beautiful and intelligent, I take God beg you, because good looks fade, but an intelligent hubby is forever.

9. Please please please, come with factory fitted sense of humor. (nothing is that serious)

10. Lastly, you must acknowledge the Okechukwu Anthony FAMILY AND FRIENDS association world wide (O.A.F. F.A). They’ve been my support structure holding me down all the while you were forming “baddest babe ever liveth” they were here vetting & encouraging my ministry. Don’t come and put sand in their garri.

So from this other side, I wish you all a joyful Christmas celebration and an extraordinary new year of unlimited God’s favour.

 

 

 

 

Okechukwu Anthony is a scriptwriter, an actor and a script supervisor. He studied Medical Laboratory science at the prestigious Imo State University, Owerri. During his free time, he enjoys penning down stories. You can reach him on facebook via Okey ‘squad’ Anthony.

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