The Brief Intercourse I Had With My Departing Roommate.

Posted on Posted in Opinions, Short Stories

It’s few minutes to midnight. I am seated in my room, scrolling through my twitter timeline. My roommate is humming softly; packing her stuffs into her suitcase. She is leaving. Mehn! The thought of it alone leaves me with so much anxiety. I mean, don’t know what to expect when she will finally be gone.

For the past twelve months that we have been together, it has been amazing. Though there were times when she was just an annoying bitch. But hey, I love her. We created memories together.
For a reason, I feel bad for not keeping the promises I made to her. Like, writing a book. I don’t like the fact that I became pals with laziness and procrastination. Those dudes really dealt with….

“Hey, what’s with that face?” My roommate ask distorting the train of my thoughts.

I look up and meet her gaze. She is smiling. I sigh.
Bitch can be so insensitive. Why will she be smiling like a goat? This is like our last night together. Couldn’t she at least tell that I will miss her annoying ass?

“Ann, c’mon. What’s wrong?” I sigh again and pout.

Roommate: See her face. It’s not like I am your boyfriend.

Me: Whatever. Just leave me alone.

Roommate: (Sits beside me) Sha, I will miss your big head. These 12 months we have stayed together have been epic. Remember the day you graduated from school?

Me: (Smiles) That day was memorable jaree. I was drunk in happiness. Jumping here and there; snapping pictures up and down; opening nyash for some lecturers that almost frustrated the hell out of me.

Roommate: See you. So, for your mind na, you don bag degree in law?

Me: Before nko? It wasn’t easy abeg. The struggle was real. I’m glad the journey finally came to an end.

Roommate: And I witnessed it.

Me: (Smiles) Yeah, you did.

Roommate: Plus the fact that you won your first award.

Me: You mean that Okike prize for literature? Mehn! It was lit. At least, it boosted my confidence as a writer.

Roommate: You that laziness have been dancing “Wo” on your matter.

Me: Babe, forget that thing. (Chuckles) See, I know I promised to write a book before your departure.

Roommate: And?

Me: I need to make self discipline my friend when my new roommate arrives.

Roommate: (Rolls eye) Story!

Me: (Chuckles) Keep doubting me na.

Roommate: I know how I pushed you to open this blog, just so you could be more consistent in your writing.

Me: But I’m trying though.

Roommate: Mmmm… Well, yes you are.

Me: Ah! Perfect!

I chuckle. Our eyes meet. I wink.

Me: Babe, I will really miss you. It’s true our brief friendship has been amazing but there were times when it was just so frustrating.

Roommate: It must not always be rosy, you know?

Me: (Nods) Yeah. Remember that month I almost lost my dad?

Roommate: (Sighs) Emphasis on “almost”. I am glad he survived.

Me: Seriously. I don’t know how I would have coped if anything happened to him.

Roommate: Let’s not think in that direction. He survived and that’s what matters.

Me: Yeah, you are right.

Roommate: (Let’s out a whoosh of breath) I can’t believe that throughout my stay with you, your future hubby didn’t locate you.

Me: (Laughs) Future hubby ke? Dude is still hustling joor. Besides it’s too early.

Roommate: Which kain early? Sha, I hope he locates you when your new roommate comes around.

I break into an uncontrollable laughter. Phone rings. Roommate squints at the device. Then picks the call.

Roommate: (Into the phone) Babe, how far na? (Laughs) I don pack finish jaree. You know my mission here is completed. Come and continue from where I stopped. (pause) Ann, your new roommate can’t wait to meet you sha. Oh… Okay na. No problem. E go be.

Phone call ends. Roommate turns to look at me

Roommate: This your new roommate, 2018, can’t wait to meet you.

Me: Awww….I can’t wait to meet her too. I hope she will be nice.

Roommate: She will be better. Trust me.

Me: I hope so.

Roommate: See, let me tell you this. Just keep been real. You may not have accomplished half of your goals during my stay here. But, at times we may not see what is headed our way. You are alive and you have awesome family and friends around you. It’s enough reason to be happy and grateful. As long as there is life, you can always achieve your goals and dreams. Persistence is the key. I will be gone in few hours making way for your new roommate, 2018. She will be more amazing than I am. Have fun with her. Travel as much as you can as long as you can afford it. Fall in love. Ditch procastination. Dude is really drawing you back. Get laid. Be happy. Live life to the fullest. 2018 will really make a cool roommate. I promise.

Me: (Blinks back tears and tries to hug her) Awww…

Roommate: (Pulls back) Look at this goat. Who is doing that mushy stuff with you?

Me: (Chuckles) Shrimp. Go away joor

Roommate: (Winks) I love you too. Oya let me continue my packing. 2018 will soon arrive.

Me: I love this intercourse we just had. It made me fully prepared to welcome 2018.

Lol. Wishing you guys a prosperous new year in advance.  2018 will be a better year. Believe!

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