While I was taking my bath this morning, the first thing that came to my mind was “What if this thing in between my legs could talk?” “What if she had vocal chords that will enable her express her emotions?”
Weird thought I know but seriously let’s think about it. What if the vagina could talk?
I imagined her being a very angry little girl. Her breaths sharp, eyes furrowed and red with anger.
And then she will go-
I know I have been called many weird names, from pussy, to vayjayjay but I would like to serve this as a sort of public service announcement to everyone out there that I don’t appreciate any of those names. My name is Vagina. There is no a.k.a attached to it. It is just Vagina. I don’t give a fuck if my name sends shocks of shame throughout your body.
Again, I have been told that I don’t always smell nice. It’s actually very rude to say such stuff about me. I was not created to smell nice. It’s nature, so fuck off! It is what it is and you have no right to make me feel bad about my natural odor. If you can’t handle me, then maybe you should look elsewhere.
To the ladies out there, please look at me more often. I know I am very difficult to see but you can use your mirror. The same way you crave to be pampered by men is the same way I crave to be pampered by you. I want you to treat me with optimal care.
Throughout the day I do nothing but hang out underneath your clothes covered up in fabric. It’s even worse when you squeeze me so tight with those leggings and oh my gosh! Those jeans too. Just like humans need fresh air and light to survive, I need that too. The world wouldn’t stop moving if you remove those panties and stay naked in your room. Let me see the sun please.
If you are listening to me right now, can you please tell my friend “Dick” that whenever he wants to play with me and I say “No”, I actually mean, “No”. If I seem unsure, I mean “No” too. And if I say nothing, I still mean “No”.
Basically, unless I specifically say “Yes” to him, he should just take it that I don’t want him around. He should rather leave me alone than force his hard self into me. I hate it with passion. And most of the time, when he does that, I am wet with tears. So he thinks that my wetness means I actually want him around. How foolish of him!
Now, don’t be alarmed but I bleed. The blood comes every month and I have been living like this for years. There is nothing weird about it and I definitely don’t need your sympathy.
Ladies, can you please be more careful with the kind of people you bring into my home? STDs, HIV & AIDS are real, you know?
And another thing, just like your breast and the rest of your body, I need to be taken care of. I want to be loved and adored. I hate it when I am surrounded by bushes. It chokes me. So, please, trim it down once in a while. Enjoy me. Love me. I am the most magical place in your body. Think about it. Life is created here.
You know, both of us could make an epic team if only you will learn to nurture me with your thoughts and caresses.
Don’t be ashamed to call me by my name. I am not a cat, so don’t call me “Pussy”. Don’t call me Vayjayjay too because I have no idea what that means. Call me “Vagina” because that is what I am.