You visited me for the first time when I was 15. I welcomed you with open arms. I was excited to have you in my life. Before you came, I couldn’t wait to be like my peers; I couldn’t wait to start using tampons and pads. Having you in my life meant I was now a full-fledged woman, “a grown-up”. But over the years, our relationship had really turned sour. I am literally tired of you. You visit me whenever you feel like each month and expect me to just accept you. You don’t even care that I have to clean your mess. It’s so much work taking care of you. And so much money. I have to pay for the tampons and pads to deal with the mess you make. All these for what? A punishment for not being pregnant?
Seriously, period, the relationship we are in is not healthy. I mean, you put so much effort into making us work but the only reason I am in this relationship is because of my gender status. Don’t you get tired? Tired of forcing yourself on me.
You visit without warning and I am tired of it. You either leave me with no time to prepare at all or you keep me marinating in my anxiety until you show up. Each month, almost all females have a countdown of your arrival and this is because you always come unexpectedly and sometimes even after counting properly, you still come too early or very late. Why can’t you just call or text me prior to your arrival? All I get is an occasional pain in my lower abdomen and then you come – it’s like a bloodbath no matter where I am, whether at work, on the street, on a film set, at a seminar or film festival. You are just ruthless. Seriously, would humans lay eggs if you announce your visits to me beforehand? Like, “Hey Ann, remember I came on the 7th of last month, I will be here around the same day this month, be ready”.
Are we going to talk about your friends, mood swings and cramps that you pick on your way? Mood swing is so proud and mannerless. It doesn’t even care where I am or who I am with. I can just go from being so excited and full of energy to being sad and depressed; I can go from being a nice girl to a bitch you just want to get rid of. Like, my emotions are usually all over the place.
And then the cramps. Damn it period! It’s like a punishment for everything I did when you were not around. You poke your head in-between my legs and then go, “Oh, Ann had ice cream, chocolates, drinks, sweet, junks – hey cramps, come over and deal with her”. The flesh-eating abdominal pain comes along, radiating into my back, sometimes my legs and waist, leaving me curled up in bed. Period, seriously, how fair is that? Don’t you want me to be happy and productive? Why can’t you just let me go about my business, hustle in peace without feeling like there is a bag of rice on my waist or constantly worrying over whether or not I am stained? All these trouble and pains because I have boobs and a vagina? Fuck you bitch!
Do you even realize how difficult it is dealing with you? Like, I have to go to work with you, jump all Lagos danfo buses with you, deal with annoying friends, colleagues at work and boyfriends that never understand what it is like bleeding from your genitals. Most of these bros can’t empathize and I know it’s hard for them. You tell them about the abdominal pains you are having and they go, “It’s your monthly visitor na. It’s normal. You will be fine”.
No bro! Stop telling me I will be fine. Make me fine – or maybe you don’t have to because well, you are not my man. But if you are my man, don’t just sit there and tell me I will be fine. Whether I want your attention or not, just give it and stop asking why; get my favorite food, extra pads – just take care of me. And if I start throwing tantrums, don’t – I repeat, DON’T TAKE IT TO HEART.
Okay, period, sorry I digressed. I just needed to get that off my chest. These bros don’t really understand what we go through whenever you grace us with your presence. The one that gets me irritated the most is when they call you, “Monthly visitor or lady sickness”.
First, you are not a sickness and I understand that you visit us monthly but when they use those terms, it’s as if they are embarrassed or find it shameful to call you by your name, “Period”, “Menses”. What’s the big deal there? Some of them can’t even walk into a supermarket to get pads for their woman. And the few that do would always get awkward glances from ladies and then the “Aww…” I usually roll my eyes and wonder why the hell they are “Aww..ing”. Because a guy is buying pads? Kai! I am just tired of humans, honestly.
Again, sorry period that I digressed. I don’t know – I am beginning to sound like I am rooting for you. Thing is, I get it. I understand that nothing I can say or do can really change the fact that I have to deal with you every month till the year I hit menopause. You are like a curse dealing with all humans with a vagina in-between their legs.
My last experience with you made me understand how stress and sleeping disorders scare you away. You were two weeks late and I was dead worried. Could I be pregnant? Was I medically okay? Those were the questions that gave me sleepless nights. The day I finally steeped into the pharmacy for a test, you showed up. Seriously, period, if you were human I would have strangled you that moment. Like you had to wait until I gave my hard earned money to a doctor for a check-up before you showed up? Do you think we are in this life to play hide and seek games? But anyway, I get it. I have been stressed lately and I am not sleeping well. It scared the shit out of you.
Thing is, no matter how much we complain and despise you; we still need you for our survival. You have no idea how much we fret if a month passes and we are yet to see you. It’s even worse when our vaginas have constantly being playing with a bare dick and you are a broke ass girl that have no intention of settling down soon, talk less of having a baby. You have no idea how relieved we feel when we finally feel your warmth presence in-between our legs. Sometimes, we don’t even know when we go down on our knees and sing praises to our creator.
Dear period, bottom line is, all females will always need you. But can I make a little suggestion? Can you just be fair, pick a particular day in each month to just remind us that, “Babe, nothing has entered”. Seriously, we have had enough of your three to seven days visit.
Ann (Representing all females worldwide).