My Attempted Rape Experience And Why I Think All Rapist Are Mentally Sick – 2

Click Here To Read The First Part

At that moment, I remembered the times my boyfriend made moves to have sex with me and I told him I was not ready. And even before he came into my life, I had a lot of male friends that had tried to but I said “No”. I was filled with lots of regrets – I wished I had given in. At least; it would be with my consent which would make it very memorable.

I looked at the monster before me and begged but my pleas fell on deaf ears. It was as though, the more I begged, the more aroused he became. When I realized this, I stopped crying, cleaned my tears, pulled down my trousers and told him to check – that I was still a virgin. He stopped and looked at me for a while. “If you want to have sex with me, there is no need struggling. That is not how I envisaged my first time to be. We can go home and get this done. There is nothing there, is it not sex?” – the moment I said these words, he seemed to calm down, told me to pull my trouser – we were heading to his place.

While we were leaving the office, I was shaking with fear but I masked it with a fake smile. We entered a cab and just as we were about to pass law school, I told the driver to stop. Like, I was literally shouting that I wanted to get down. Dude couldn’t say anything and the driver stopped.

I entered my room that night and cried myself to sleep. I deleted the guy’s contact, blocked him on all social media.  I couldn’t share what happened to anyone; not even my roommates. This kind of encounter, share it with someone and the first question they would ask is, “But why did you go to his office?” “What were you wearing?” “Why would you go out by that time?” these questions irk me. When it comes to rape or any form of sexual violence, why are we always quick to blame the victim? We shame them and make them believe that it was their fault that someone became a monster. Honestly, this society is fucked up.

I currently work in an NGO and the kind of stories I hear every day make me wonder if there is any good still left in this society. A girl gets rapped, takes the case to the police station and the first question she is asked is, “Were you a virgin before this happened?” If her answer is “No”, then she is told that she has no reason to make the case since this is not the first time a penis is penetrating her vagina. Like, wtf is that?

We tell victims that they were rapped because of what they were wearing, but what about children and babies that have been rapped? I have seen a 3-year-old child and a 6-month-old baby that has been rapped; are we also going to blame them because of their dressing? Honestly, this society is fucked up.

There was a time I told myself that I would stop writing about “Rape”. There were so many topics on it but it seemed as if the more we talked about it, the more the crime happens and it was irritating. Sometimes I used to wonder what goes on in a rapist’s mind – like, force someone to have sex with you, where is the fun in that?

This is not a post meant to address the issue of “Rape” or “Sexual violence” – I just wanted to put it out there that these perpetrators are sick mentally. The only difference between them and the mad people we see on the street lies in the fact that they still have the willpower to roam, “Fully clothed”.

3 Replies to “My Attempted Rape Experience And Why I Think All Rapist Are Mentally Sick – 2

  1. This is a terrible experience.
    Rape or an attempt to commit it in any shade is heinous and should be condemned.

    Sorry for your experience and I hope we all use our positions and offices to fight for rape victims.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *