I read one of the funniest threads on Twitter this evening and it took me down memory lane. This probably might be the craziest thing I have done in recent times and believe me I have done some pretty crazy and absurd things.
So after NYSC days, I was in Abuja and was staying with a friend. One day I decided to take a stroll around the neighborhood and stretch my legs. That evening coincidentally was the day some corp members left camp. It was pretty late in the evening, around 7pm when I met Favour.
Favour was the definition of a beautiful Igbo girl. She was from Anambara, Ozorbulu to be precise. I met her stranded at NYSC junction Kubwa. She looked troubled and I’m a sucker for damsels in distress. I approached her and asked what the issue was. She was pensive at first which was understandable but she later explained that she didn’t have anywhere to go. She didn’t have anybody in Abuja and didn’t know any cheap hotels to lodge. She also mentioned that she had to stay in Abuja for three days tops to get her place of primary assignment (PPA) before leaving for the East to prepare fully for service.
I understood her plight seeing that I recently completed my NYSC program and was familiar with her story. I did what any well brought up boy would do. I offered to help. I told her I stayed alone and would help her for the few days she needed till she left for the East. I specifically asked how many days I was hosting her and she told me she was staying for just five days.
I took her home to a well prepared Yam portage. We gisted all through the night and slept off. Mind you, I am a perfect gentleman – no moves were made, I slept on the floor while she had the bed to herself. I woke up the next day and left for the day’s hustle. I told her who to drop the key with if she was leaving the house.
I came back in the evening and met my house most spectacularly ever. My kitchen was now arranged; I now had a shoe rack, my laundry chair was free of my dirty clothes, my blanket was changed and she got a new one. Aside from that, I also came back to a well prepared Igbo dish “Ofe nsala” with “kpomo”. This girl made herself comfortable, I thought.
That I was surprised was an understatement but did I show it? Nah. I just had my bath, sat down, ate even “Mekwed” too because I saw the signs and consent were given. It was the best sex I have ever had in a long while.
This routine continued for the next five days and every day I came back to meet a new development in my apartment. My wardrobe now had two sections, her shelf and mine, foodstuffs were now stocked and I did not contribute any dime. My clothes were always washed and the kitchen became cleaner plus two rounds of “Mekwe” every night. What else can a guy ask for?
In just a few days, my apartment underwent a makeover from a bachelor to a young married couple. No doubt, she was complete wife material.
Now you might be thinking I hit the jackpot right? In a way, I kind of did because she taught me a lot of things in the “Mekwe” room.
But hey, I am just a young guy in his early twenties who just left NYSC and had 5 siblings at home. Was marriage in my plan already? No way!
So I patiently waited for the 5 days to elapse so that she could leave. I enjoyed the sex and free food but for some reason, I couldn’t go back to my stable life. I left for work on the sixth day and came back thinking I will meet my house empty but my new found “Wify” was still there.
This continued till the eighth day and I was already drowning with worry. I didn’t know how to complain because I was getting everything and more than I ever imagined. How do I tell this girl that I didn’t subscribe to this unplanned marriage?
Every day I came back to a freshly prepared meal, clean house, three exotic rounds of “Mekwe” and I have not even paid the bride price? I mean, my parents think I am in Abuja hustling to make ends meet but here I am living with a girl, having her play the “Wife” role and I had no idea how to get rid of her. What if pregnancy sets in? How would I convince her that I am not ready to take up any extra responsibility? What money do I have to take care of a child?
After two weeks I knew I seriously had to do something because I started having dreams of my first daughter with this girl. I think that was my village people’s way of warning me that they were coming. I had to do something and I needed to do it as fast as possible.
So, I came up with the excuse that my mom was coming to Abuja for a one month program and she would be staying at my apartment. I have my friend, Dayo, to thank for that piece of solicited advice. When I told her this and how my Mom was a typical Igbo woman who would definitely get so railed up if she gets to her son’s place and discover he is living with a girl that is not his wife, she packed her things the next morning and left for the east.
Ah! Finally, I thought. With her gone, It felt as though a heavy load has been lifted off my shoulder. She called some weeks later to ask how my mom was doing and when she’s leaving. Being the smart guy I am, I told her my mom had moved permanently to Abuja and she is currently staying at my place.
It’s a month now and I can’t stop thinking about Favour. I am sitting in my scattered room, scrolling through my Facebook timeline with my stomach grumbling. If Favour was around, this wouldn’t be the case. I miss her arranging my room; I miss her delicious local dishes; I miss thrusting inside her; I miss her moans, the sound of her laughter but most especially I miss having someone to talk to and cuddle with after a long stressful day.