Coronavirus has brought the world to its knees. We never saw it coming. We never imagined that a time would come when we would all drop the goals and dreams we are trying to achieve to focus on just surviving. Now, everyone is practicing self-isolation and social distancing. Countries are on lockdown; we are all stuck in our homes, bored.
While some families are enjoying the changes in routines as they get to spend more time together, there are some families this is the worst thing that has ever happened to them. And no, this has nothing to do with COVID19 and everything to do with their constant troubles in their marriage.
I work with an NGO that focuses on addressing the issue of violence and since the lockdown order was made, the number of domestic violence cases we have received is so overwhelming. No day goes by that we don’t receive any case – husbands beating up their wives, throwing them out of the house I am wondering why.
Truth is until now, couples were able to cope with the pains and frustrations they face in their marriage because they had the freedom to escape whenever it gets too much. They could attend social functions, go to church, hang out with friends, work out at the gym or even spend extra hours in the office before coming home.
Now, that freedom is gone. You are stuck with this person whom you resent so much. They are always in your space and you can’t escape as usual. When it gets very frustrating that you guys can’t deal with it anymore, fights ensue.
A lot of couples are probably waiting for this pandemic to be over to call it quits. I recently came across a post on Twitter, “You can’t spell divorce without COVID”. No wonder the divorce rate in China has risen significantly.
If you and your partner are in the brink of separation this COVID19 period, here are some ways you can get through this;
Take Breaks From Each Other
Just because the world is on lockdown does not mean that you have to spend all of your time with your partner. No marriage or relationship will thrive if spouses are always spending time together. Yeah yeah, I know that the next question you will ask me is, “But how can that be possible when we are stuck in the same house?”
There are a lot of ways you can do this – maybe spending some time alone in another room. Do the these you love doing – it could be reading, writing, playing an instrument, watching videos on YouTube, painting, just anything that makes you feel good.
Honestly, being able to spend time alone doing your own thing is one of the key ingredients to a healthy relationship.
Be open about your fear of being quarantined together
It’s okay to be scared. It’s okay to admit your fears. You are not used to staying with this person all day and now you are going to be with them in the same house till the pandemic is over. Admit the fear that comes with it and talk to a partner about it. let them know. They could be feeling the same way you do. When you both admit this fear, there is a better understanding of the problem and you guys will look for ways to best support each other during this crazy time.
Have Lots Of Sex!
A good, consensual sex makes people happy. And no, I don’t mean the kind of sex that you both roll to different corners of the bed after the last thrust. Cuddle! Stay in each other’s arms! How happy sex makes a person depends a lot on whether sex is followed by cuddling or not. The cuddle hormone, “Oxytocin” promotes bonding between lovers and lowers stress and anxiety.
Increase your tolerance level
During this quarantine period, you will get tired of seeing your partner’s face; get tired of staying at home, tired of been idle; tired and angry at how coronavirus has taken your normal life away from you. The frustration would come and in moments like that, it will be so easy to say something nasty to your partner. You will get easily provoked by any little mistake; flaws you know already excited before you started the relationship with them will suddenly become an issue.
To deal with this, work on your tolerance level. Learn how not to pick an offense at any little mistake; learn to overlook some things. You can even talk about it with your partner and see you can work things out.
This period is not going to be easy for some couples. Coronavirus might stretch your marriage to a breaking point but I hope you all come out fine, stronger even.